Love Kills

Why do we do this to ourselves? What the fuck convinced mankind to think it's right and NORMAL to settle down with one person for the rest of our lives and even GET MARRIED? Who decided that? Did they not take into consideration that people who are around each other for more than 24 hours end up wanting to KILL EACH OTHER? Did they realize that one day all the people who have been together for all those years end up hating each other? What about all the TV shows, and not to mention real life, that feature old farts who can do nothing but bitch about being married and their wives/husbands? How long does the happiness last? Not THAT long! I've only seen ONE successful marriage in my entire life, and that was my great grandma and grandpa. They grew up a LONG time ago before men started being complete ASSHOLES and passing the traits down to generations. I rarely even have anyone open a door for me anymore, let along TREAT ME LIKE A HUMAN FUCKING BEING!!!!! I'm sick of it! Why don't we just do the SMART thing, and in order to PROTECT OUR SPECIES and PROCREATE and SURVIVE, why don't we just listen to our instincts and live on our own, hunting, taking care of our shit, NOT settling down with one person, but fucking for pleasure and for procreation... Instead of dealing with the same old shit for years on end, hoping and praying that the person we so unfortunately and hastily decided we were going to spend our life with would change their fucking ways and grow up!!! Not to mention the time we start dating someone all kinds of crack like hormones are racing through our bodies, making us feel like we are OH SO IN LOVE, then after awhile it all kind of dies down and we just sludge along... with no excitement or happiness in our lives but short-lived happiness. Everything we naturally do in the wild is now supposed to make you feel guilty and taboo... I fucking hate it, humans, conventions, and this world.... FUCK

Words can't capture...

• Mood: tired
  Weather: Cold
  Listening to: relaxing music
  Eating: Nothing
  Drinking: water
  Wearing: pink skull shorts and a tank top
  Wanting: to fly
  Thinking about: how good sleep will feel.

Let's see. I woke up this morning and decided to rearrange my room... and I'm very happy with the results. I found out today that 2 people in the city I live in have died from the damn swine flu. The hospitals are trying to be "hush-hush" about it to avoid a panic, but they are getting ready for a pandemic, patients flooding the hospital. I think it's strange, how when this whole thing started, it was everywhere, they wanted us to be, or feel, forewarned. Now when it is actually KILLING people closeby, everywhere, they are quiet about it. This is bullshit. Everyone should know about this, everyone should do everything they can to avoid this shit. I personally am leaving my house as little as possible. I know that sounds a little overboard, but I don't care. I would rather be overly careful than dead. I personally think this is a government-induced population control technique... BUT anyways...

I had this weird pain in my foot/ankle area today, and I tried to ignore it at first. It got so bad when I did anything as simple as walking or standing, that I had to go to the ER to get rid of the sharp pains I was having, and find out if my foot was okay[I know it seems very odd and contradicting that I said I wouldn't leave my house and ended up going to a HOSPITAL... but oh well. I'm crazy. haha]. So, sitting in the waiting room, an ambulence shows up, and the people around me are talking about how it is the third or fourth ambulence to show up. A mother holding a little girl in her arms about 3 or 4, comes rushing through the door. The little girl is coughing her lungs out. So I went cold in fear. I instantly started breathing into my hand, they put a face mask on the girl and took her back very soon upon arriving... After that, I almost had a panic attack from all the people and all the voices colliding in the room, and the fact that I had just been in the same room as someone with the H1N1 swine flu virus, which to me at this point should be considered a zombie virus, and the image of dead bodies in a cold room somewhere in the vicinity I was in... all those thoughts almost sent me off the deep end! But now I am at home, and alive, and in one piece, and I intend to stay that way.

On a lighter and much more pleasant note, I saw my lovely Sky when I got home from the hospital. We talked about making plans for her to come stay at my house sometime soon... I showed her some old pics I found of us, and she borrowed them to copy them... I told her to take pics of herself and send them to me. She didn't stay for long, but it was amazing to see her and hug her and talk to her. When she got home she IMed me on Messenger and we talked for a while, she sent me some beautiful pictures of her, and I tried my hardest to express to her how breathtakingly beautiful she is, and how much I care about her. She is my everything and my best friend in the world. [well her and Fletcher, that is. love him too ] I don't think she will ever realize how beautiful she is. She is gorgeous. <3

So now, in my awesomely redesigned CLEAN room, I am going to fall asleep on my big comfy bed with the boy I love... oh god my leg fell asleep... haha.

\\//until tomorrow... p e a c e

Mother, should I trust the government?

Mood: Calm
Weather: Cold
Listening to: Iggy Pop
Eating: Nothing
Drinking: Unsweetened Tea
Wearing: shorts and a tank top
Wanting: Starbucks Coffee
Thinking about: going to bed soon

So today I was greeted with coffee in bed, no sugar for once [trying to cut as much sugar as possible] just vanilla creamer, which I downed in about thirty, forty-five seconds. I found out that I LOVE coffee in bed, it is the BEST way to start out your day. So soon after I was on to my second cup. By the time I actually got out of bed, I was ready to clean and organize my room. Fletcher helped me which was awesome because I probably couldn't have done it without his help... but it looks a lot nicer in here. Before now all the clutter on top of surfaces and on the floor was driving me insane. But now it is amazing and organized and comfy.
I talked to my grandpa today. My Dad's Dad. I haven't talked to him in 8 years. I saw him at my Uncle Jesse's funeral... but he usually keeps to himself. He calls it being "reclusive." I really look forward to talking to him more, it has been so long, and the entire time I have wanted to talk to him. When I was little he made me little creatures out of wire. One that specifically stands out is a dragonfly, with beads for eyes. Those little creatures fascinated me. I can't believe after so long we are talking. I'm hoping my dad and him will be able to talk, since it has been years since he spoke with his dad. During instant messaging him, his fingers started to hurt so he had to get offline, but I am hoping that we can talk via webcam and microphone so he won't hurt. He seems like a great poetic, mysterious person with a lot of insight and humor. He told me after I showed him a couple pictures of myself that I looked exactly like my dad if my dad were beautiful. haha. I can't wait to talk to him more. I'm hoping when I move to Portland that I will be able to hang out with him, my uncle Jason and my Aunt Melissa, his other kids, and really get to know all of them. I know I will get to hang out with him. I just hope I can get my shit togeter and do what i need to do to go to college in at least the winter, then I will be able to transfer my credits to Portland. It's all a lot to think about.
I'm hoping people will read my blog and talk to me, I really want to get to know more people. Especially intelligent, intellectual people that I could have deep conversations with. My mind just keeps going and going... like a battery or an interstate highway. I think it is time for me to rest my head and hopefully welcome dreamland. \\// ciao <3

Finally

After hours of trying to find a good blog site, and actually find a decent template that would work, I'm finally making my first post.
This morning I was woken up by yelling. I don't remember what it was about, but I couldn't sleep after that. People that have shitty dreams shouldn't take it out on innocent sleeping people, not to mention people that are actually sleeping well for once..
I felt really tired today... I wanted to take a nap until my great-grandma called and told me that my whole family was at her house already for my graduation party. It was pretty cool. I'm so glad after so much work I can finally look at a diploma and know that I proved plenty of people wrong, and proved to myself that I can get shit done.
No matter how stressful it is. No matter how many mental breakdowns it causes. I pull through til the end.
So yeah, I am blogging on my new laptop I got for graduating. It's an Acer Aspire one... An 11.5 inch screen mini laptop with Windows Vista, which at first I thought I hated, but I think it just takes some getting used to .
I'm really thinking having a laptop so portable and efficient will inspire me to do what I love and write more often. Not to mention nerd out every now and again.
I'm so proud of myself for quitting smoking. It must have been at least 5 or 6 days since I've had a drag. Today I figured out that if you buy a 5 dollar pack of cigarettes every day for a year, you are spending almost 2000 dollars. If you continue to do that for 6 years, you are spending almost 12,000 dollars. What a waste. Think of all the things you could spend that on. Not to mention the health issues. One year of that behavior would mean smoking 7300 cigarettes in a year, 43,800 cigarettes in 6 years. Thats fucking disgusting. I'm done.
So yeah. I'm babbling on... but oh well. I can now. hehe.

So yeah I'm really hoping to meet new people and start talking to people. I'm all for that. But a little over myspace...

But yeah, I think I'm out for now. \\//peace